cell phone dilemmas

Tom and I both have cellphones.  It's what we use here, well that and our VOIP number we use to call and be called from the States.

I am seriously pondering adding a landline through our cable provider.

Tom's phone, well it was our phone the first year we were here since we rarely went anywhere not together, was a gift; Cast off from a friend. So it is probably 8 or 9 years old.  Then I purchased a very budget cell phone.  Both have served us well.  I highly endorse Nokia.   

Both of our cellphones are experiencing age related symptoms.  The batteries no longer hold a charge, and all the numbers and letters have worn off the keypad on mine.

I want a smart phone, I'd love an iPhone, at least a 4 but the newest 4S would be uber cool.  How does one justify that expense? I am having a hard time.  I can get a Samsung smart phone for about 250US, the iPhone is 700+US.

OMG - the options and details on cellphones is staggering,  How does a rube make a decision????

I don't want a plan, I want to do pay-as-you go, I want to connect wi-fi, not 3G so unlocked, I want email, facebook, web search, camera-good camera, games, googlemaps, qwerty keyboard, pretty simple stuff really, but I also want touch screen.

Anyone want to do the research and tell me which is best to get - and for the best price - while still speaking to my geekiness that wants cool and fancy.   I hate shopping 

Anyone want to sell their used uber cool smart phone really cheap so they can buy the newest and coolest?